PhotoCredit: Vroom
With holiday parties and vacation planning officially off the list in Los Angeles, what’s a girl to do? It’s not that the actual holidays got cancelled, just everything else that goes along with them. Husband and I started planning and got no further than green beans and roast potatoes. No prizes for guessing that this is a keto household!
After an initial “bake, eat, drink” response to the pandemic, our household evolved into yoga-dedication, carb-elimination and nutrition-obsession. A momentary lapse in judgment over Thanksgiving backfired into a three-day hangover. Consequently we are a little hesitant about any of the usual vices. I never imagined I would be scared of croissants, apple pie or wine.
The tree went up on Friday. Twinkly lights are so festive but, I realize, that’s all I’ve got. I’m even out of gift ideas after a year of Covid-induced-panic-boredom shopping.
So I’m left with a mild anxiety. How do I make this moment count? How do I celebrate?
My usual mad dash to the finish-line has become a soggy-whimper. No food to prepare, vacation to plan, wine to pair or gifts to purchase. No partridge. No pear tree.
There is a lost-ness that creeps in quietly and then loudly. Who am I without the gifts under the tree? Who am I without a glass of champagne to celebrate? Who am I without a party to go to, a dinner to attend or a date night in a cute dress?
There is a great sense of emptiness. Of loss. Such is the way of change. While absence and possibility exist in the same moment, the absence is louder. It's palpable.
In the face of change we typically cling to what we know. What we had. We resist the evolution. This year has imposed so much on us. Ready or not, here it came. Some change was valid but, over the holidays, it just feels like deprivation.
I recognize my resistance. I see that I am clinging.
It’s ok to feel the loss, to feel the absence. I give myself permission and I give you permission. I also encourage you, as I am encouraging myself, to look for the new. Look for the opportunities. Maybe in this moment of deprivation you will begin a new tradition? As forced on you as it might be.
I am resolute that I will do the work. I will experiment. I can find the new. And I can also tell you one thing for sure. I refuse to have a tree with a naked bottom. That's one thing that doesn't need to change. Time for one last online-shopping push.