I have a very strong “grrrrr” reflex. It automatically fires in many situations and results in knee-jerk and combative responses. Who me? I know, I seem so lovely.
It’s completely ineffective as it creates a mostly defensive reaction from the other person. Oh, and did I mention the fact that most of the time it’s quite clear the pissing me off thing was not intentional?
So recently, instead of my usual over-reaction, I tried something new. I asked myself “how else could I deal with this?”
I am not about to tell you it worked like a charm. I deal in reality. Reality dictates iteration over certainty. Slowly working your way to a place of transformation versus “you shall go to the ball” insta-results. Results of the ‘it will not happen overnight, but it will happen’ variety.
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Evidently it was not Einstein that said this, though it sounds like something he would have surmised. A scientist knows better than to repeat a test under the same conditions and expect an altered outcome.
It is an insanity to repeat a behavior in the expectation of a different result. So why is it so damn hard to break the circuit?
Simply put, it takes effort to undo any neural patterning. Our brain is wired for efficiency and it will take the shortest route. Always. We are designed to react. We need to learn to respond.
The wisdom of responding (preferably thoughtfully and in full observation of the ‘count to ten’ rule) is undeniable. We need to create space. To pause. The pause enables us to respond rather than react. Reacting - as I have said before - is what you do when you encounter lions and tigers and bears. Oh my! Evolved humans respond. Except for when facing said tigers, bears and lions.
The face-palm of it all is that our busy-ness is actually making us busier. Without the space to try a different solution to a problem we find ourselves caught in a cycle of pattern repetition. Patterns that are destined for failure. How is THAT for a definition of insanity? It’s like the Russian Dolls of productivity. Our busy-ness makes us repeat unproductive patterns that result in making us even busier.
The icing on the neurological cake is the concept of synaptic pruning. It’s such a cool term which essentially suggests that the less you use the old pathways (AKA the non-effective behaviors) the more likely the brain is to eliminate these pathways entirely. Well, according to this one article I read online but it makes complete sense. The brain can be brilliant, if you let it.
Making the time - and finding the energy - to create new patterns and behaviors not only increases the chances of hopefully better results but it also helps us remove the repeated patterns that are not benefiting us.
It’s not magic. But it could be. Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo!